One of my biggest pet peeves has ALWAYS been single mothers that go on and on about how hard it is to be a single mom and have the biggest family/friend support group ever. I will be the first to tell you that being a single mom is HARD! I knew this before I ever became one. I was raised by one. It drives me crazy however to hear these women complain and want people to feel sorry for them when every other weekend their parents have their kid(s) or they have friends come mow their yard or have a father that is actively involved in their child's life that they only have their kids 1/2 the time anyway. Another that annoys me is Single moms with live in boyfriends that help just as much as a husband would. I know it sounds like I am being petty but growing up my mom worked all of the time to support us she didn't have the luxury of having someone keep us so she could get a break or receive childsupport to help pay the bills. She didn't send us to her moms every weekend so she could go party, and she didn't have anyone to fix things around the house. She did everything on her own. Now I am a single mother and I know what it feels like to not be able to go to the bathroom by myself, to have to carry in groceries and a baby by myself, I don't get to go hang out with my friends whenever I feel like it or go on dates or have girls night out every other weekend. Some would say I am "hatin" on those that get to do these things and I can see where they would think that but if you get to do all of these things and have a list of people who will keep your kids for you whenever you need them or want them to, or even have someone to take care of your kids while you are sick stop whining about being a "poor single mom that has to struggle". Cause seriously it may be difficult at times for you but you are not struggling! Your parents are raising your kids. You have a strong support system. You don't have to go without food, makeup, new clothes, jewelry, nice things, alone time, haircuts, shoes, gas in your car, JUST so your child has diapers, wipes, clothes, food, toys, haircuts, shoes and a safe environment.
I am not discounting that these moms may have a hard time. It is hard being a single mom. Just the mentality of it. Being alone. Not always having someone at your side to help make the right choices for you child. Having to answer all the single mom questions not only by others but by your children. But they are in no means struggling.
Jen,in many ways I relate to what you are saying, even though I am no longer a single mom. My life was very much like yours when Bryce was very young. I had a crappy job and had just started grad school a few months before he was born. As I know that you know, studying and babies do not go together well. I was fortunate to get a really good job when he was about 7 mos old and that helped tremendously. His dad said he wanted to be involved in his life, but what he said and what he did were two very different things. He didn't spend time with Bryce (maybe two or three times in his first year or so of life)and he didn't help me financially. When he did, it was sporadic and not very much of anything. I too was raised by a single mom. Granted, my grandmother would watch me a lot, but it was so my mom could work her full time and part time job. She definitely wasn't on the party scene. My dad rarely sent any child support whatsoever. There were many times we lived on spaghetti and didn't have the money to go get paper towels at the store......lol. As hard as it was though, we survived, life looks a lot better these days, and I'm not too screwed up from the whole experience..... :P. I don't know how we would have made it if my grandma and great grandma wouldn't have been there to help my mom. Because of their help she was able to pay all our bills, provide insurance and put food on the table without any government assistance at all. My grandmother went through a rough situation with my mom and my two uncles. My grandfather died when they were teenagers. Grandma was lucky enough to have a good job with the state and my great grandmother, her mom as well as her sister was there to help out. I can't imagine having three kids to worry about without the support of your husband or significant other. I feel very blessed to have the family I have. Someone is always there when someone else needs a helping hand. Bryce's dad and I are together now and since Aiden arrived a few months ago now there's two kids to take care of. I still feel like a single mom at times because he's not here a lot because of work, and when he is here it's usually late in the evening and he's exhausted. I get frustrated that it's up to me to work full time, spend time with the boys and take care of them, keep the house clean and laundry done, do the grocery shopping, run the errands, pay the bills and make dinner. I feel so streched for time and then I feel guilty that I'm so busy with keeping our lives in order that I don't spend enough time playing with the boys and that most of the time I'm "multitasking" them so that I can get everything else accomplished. I wish he had more time to bond with the boys than he does, but I am so grateful we were able to make things work out, and that he is in their lives, the way my dad never really was. I feel stressed and streched to the max almost everyday of the week and I have a good support system, so I can only imagine how you feel. I have learned that you can do anything if you rely on God. I know you will make it through the rough patches, finish school and make life better for you and Jonathan. He is a beautiful little boy and very lucky to have you as his momma :)
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